My books - a little boasting ...

 

My books in the order of their publishing

Preparing my sixth book, is something I think I can be a little proud of.

1) Printed (published) book pertaining to acupuncture written in Japanese by me

トーマス先生の話を聞いてみませんか

Amazon

2) My autobiography, written on patient request 10 years ago; Japanese = original

鍼灸界の異端者 ebook

ISBN: 9781311666192

Amazon

3) My autobiography, written on patient request 10 years ago; Japanese = original

Sonderling in Ost und West ebook

ISBN: 9781310040382

Amazon

4) Some personal views regarding acupuncture

Acupuncture: The Easy Way - Or the Hard Way ebook

ISBN: 9781311525796

Amazon

5) Translation of the autobiography of a Japanese priest involved in kyudo

"Startanew - Look again" ebook

ISBN: 9798224117635

Amazon

6) coming soon: my autobiography in English, rewritten

The book is finished

 

Finally!

After 10 years of effort, the translation of the autobiography of pries Suhara Koun is finally finished – a little earlier than expected. Admittedly, I did not have the time to work on the project for a few years, but it nevertheless stayed on my mind.

Written by a Buddhist priest who took up kyudo late in life, something which became a defining element for him, it contains a lot of ‘old-fashioned’ / unusual Japanese even Japanese people have difficulties understanding. Apart from that Buddhist, zen, kyudo terminology, Chinese poems etc. I really had to struggle with this material.

Yesterday I published the book on Amazon and through another site worldwide. Although I submitted the required file format to those sites, they somehow “converted” the material, which resulted in a rather unappealing appearance. Even though I tried hard to look nice.

On the said sites, it is listed with a price tag of $9. One of the Japanese pronounciations for “9” is KYU. Put together the Dollar, you get “kyudo”. In the hope, you allow me to indulge in this little word play.

If interested

https://books2read.com/u/mlM2aq

or contact me, if you are looking for a little better looking files:

buch@thoacu.com

#book #Suhara Koun #zen #kyudo #autobiography #Japanese #archery

Politeness in the digital age

I am registered in many sites pertaining to translation and interpretation. From one related to interpretation I got the following message in the afternoon. The job would have to be done the next day. 

"New message from XXX XXX via interpreters.travel
Automotive world 2019 , tokyo big sight 
January 17 (10:00 - 18:00)"

That is all. No "please" or "are you available", "could you help us out" ... nothing.
Just "Tomorrow. Be there!"
Naturally, I reclined the "job offer".
Is this the style of American, Chinese, Russian or other mafia like people.
Or is this now considered to be the "new standard" of politeness in the digital age?

Low rates even in Germany ...

Yesterday or so I received via one of the many translator sites an "job offer" from Germany.
It is about (urgent) translation work in the English-German language pair.
The company offers 0.04 Euro per Word.
(The company itself "naturally" makes a mistake, noting the rate as 0.04 cents - which would be approximately 0.0004 USD!)
It does not specify, whether these source or target words.

Maybe it is only me, but I dare doubt, that people living in Europe can make a "living" on those rates.
The 0.0004 USD/word rate totally out of the question.

It always seems to me, that the internet serves due to its lack of adjustments and regulations to match different conditions as a sort of parasite, eating away the basis for sound living.

Oriental medicine - translation

A patient of mine - who also tries to establish himself as a writer - wrote an article about me and somehow convinced an editor at the Japan Times to publish it. For people interested .. here the link to the electronic form.

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/community/2017/07/05/our-lives/unorthodox-acupuncturists-point-make-sure-never-come-back/#.WV2kJelpzcF

Most of it refers to my work as an acupuncturist. However, I am also working as a freelance translator. And if it comes to the translation of materials related to oriental medicine, or acupuncture in particular, just being a "native speaker" is not a sufficient qualification for the job. MUCH of the terminology used in this field is VERY unusual and often NOT understood without some additional explanation. Many attempts at a "standardization", or even the creation of glossaries, still have many problems to solve.

As a practicing acupuncturist with over 30 years of clinical experience I believe, I may be better "qualified" to handle this kind of material than many native speakers.

Personally, I would love to translate whole books and just articles for magazines. I presume, it would be much more gratifying than just articles. AND .. there are many very good Japanese books about acupuncture (or oriental medicine in general).
But the West has no access to this information, because the Chinese are deliberately trying to dominate the market - and to my dismay the West allows the Chinese to convince them, that they are the ONLY ones with any "authorative, genuine" knowledge about oriental medicine. I pity the people, who voluntarily choose to a "tunnel vision" perspective of the world.
 
Please feel free to contact me, if you do need/want to translate anything in this field.

Thomas Blasejewicz

Wagner thieves

Again those  Wagner Consulting International thieves.

I got this mail:
"We’re having some files for translation, these are patent claims for several products or services.
We have around 4 sets of 3 patents claims each, every part has around 25,000 words to be done on MateCat (free online translation tool that we can provide a manual if necessary).
We’d need them approximately in 7/8 days and I believe our budget is around 600 USD per set.

Would you kindly let me know if you’re available and if you have experience in Patent Claims?
I look forward to your answer!"

Calculation shows: that is appr. 0.02 USD/word. And it would require about 20+ pages of patent specification per day. Off hand I don't know anybody who can do that (properly). Not to mention that the use of CAT tools - in my experience - only INCREASES work load and time requirements; especially when working with patents.

I took the liberty of responding:

Are you not ashamed of yourself (your main office located in the USA) asking people to work for rates lower than what companies in rural India or China offer?

By royal decree from his bombastity Trump you should be hiring AMERICAN translators FIRST and ONLY anyway.
I am sure American translators love to work for peanuts and can live a luxury life on those rates.

Thomas Blasejewicz

or am I overreacting .. again ....?????? 

Ever wondered why???

I got this via one of the many translator sites I am registered at:

"Hi,
We need German to Japanese translators urgently.
Pls send your resume to anithagomathy@gmail.com ASAP.
From: anitha gomathy / India / Company: Aabheri Transco"

I did contact the lady and said, I do Japanese-German translations (the post said: German<->Japanese).
She sent me the file to have a look at and wrote:

"Please let me know if you are available for the attached job.
Language Pair: DE<>Japanese
Please deliver the project by Tuesday morning (THAT would be the following day!) 11 AM IST (24-03-2014).
Payment: 140 USD total in 25 days via PayPal"

File size: 4964 words. = 0.028/word
appr. 31 pages worth of translation, to be done in (less than) one day.
The file shows, that CAT tools will NOT be of much help.
I use "160 words/page" as a rough yardstick for technical translations.
Such a page would be 3.2 USD.

OK. Everybody who wishes to work through the night in super high speed for 3 USD per page raise your hands.
No one? Funny.
Actually, this lady posted - and keeps on posting; she seems to be getting desparate -
this job on just about ALL translator sites I know of,
but apparently nowhere anybody has responded (the counter always says "0 bids").

Strange, isn't it?
I wonder whether that Indian lady ever wonders why nobody is offering her any help ...

my facebook page related to translation/interpretation:

Good evening
I am trying to set up a new "facebook page" related to translation:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Projekt-Einklang/918009761553819
Translation and interpretation used to be the basis of our livelihood, but for various reasons the amount of translation work has been steadily and DRASTICALLY decreasing over the last few years.
Even though I do not really understand, how this facebook thing works, I will give it a try in an attempt and "promoting" my work as translator/interpreter.
Facebook appears to be like the morning newspaper: you buy it at the station, read it in the train and discard it at the station where you get off ...
That is why I will continue to use my various blogs to list and archive my little articles.

Although I really do not understand the meaning of those "Like" things, I am told it will be "good", if somebody could on the "Like" button of the page.
I would really appreciate that.
Thank you in advance.
Thomas Blasejewicz

Translation rate down

(somewhat similar to "Black Hawk down" ...)
Maybe I just "don't get it"  ... all around me, on a daily basis, prices are going up. For just about everything. The other day I went to get a hair cut. AFTER I was done, the shop keeper said: "Prices have gone up. This will now be xxx." where the xxx represents a price 25% higher than in the past. All I (and every other customer) can do is silently nod and pay the new price. That's possibly not exactly life, but it certainly is business.

At about the same time, I got a small job from a translation company for which I have been working for at least 15 years. AFTER the job was done and delivered, the coordinator sent me a mail, saying that this is a "normal" translation (as opposed to the technical materials I usually work with) and the company will therefore pay 30% less than usual.
There was nothing easier than usual about this work AND nobody told me in advance of this "change in payment policy", so I did bill them the usual rate.

However, this is just one of the many examples of those "Black Hawk Down" scenarios, where translation agencies and/or customers unilaterally cut translation rates, sending the translator spiraling into the dust to die.
I ***DO NOT*** understand the rationale behind these price cuts. Even if manufacturers may be able to "make" computers for example cheaper due to improved manufacturing methods, the time and work involved in half-way acceptable translation does not change much or at all. The use of those strange CAT tools has for the work I get, NEVER been proven helpful.

Or is every younger person working with translations is at least 10 times more efficient than I am ... and in addition has no family to support and thus can afford to work for peanuts?????

Net search ...

The other day I was asked by a translation agency to "evaluate" / examine an online questionnaire, supposed to be done among foreigners (in Japan) trying to find certain restaurants. My job was to find out, how "easy" to use several different search sites are.
Tasks (in an Excel file) were formulated for example like:
★Use the restaurant search website "XXX" to search for a single restaurant offering food you would like to eat.
★Once you find a restaurant offering food you would like to eat, please complete the following survey.

So far, so fine.
BUT ...

People were supposed for certain (specific) restaurants and then asked:
"Based on your experience using all the sites, which provided an easy-to-understand display of restaurant information?"

Well ...
Let's say, you were looking for a Chinese restaurant in Osaka, that has the name:
"中国料理北京 ホテルグランヴィア大阪店"
Assume for a minute, that those foreigners (supposed to be tourists) do NOT speak/read Japanese.
In that case it is unlikely that they ENTER the above term in the search field.
But MAYBE they would enter the name of the restaurant, which is displayed in roman letters like:
"CYUUGOKURYOURIPEKIN HOTERUGURANVIAOOSAKATEN"                                   

All foreigners here, who either CAN read the above, or would even ENTER that mumble jumble to search for the given restaurant ... please raise your hands.
Nobody???
Strange .................

Is it not absolutely clear to EVERYBODY, that:
*    "CYUUGOKU" stands for China, pronounced in Japanese "chuugoku"
*    the terms "ryori" (cuisine) and "Peking" are TWO (not one)
*    everybody who is NOT Japanese would expect "Hotel" instead of "HOTERU"
*    again: GURANVIAOOSAKATEN is at least THREE different words, that should appear as such when written in roman letters!
*    this last thing glues "guru navi" (search site), Hotel, Osaka and Branch together to give the hillarious: HOTERUGURANVIAOOSAKATEN

PLEASE ... Japanese people!
If you want to communicate with the world / or have the world communicate with you ....
you have to do better than that!!!

Classic fraud

Today I got following message:
"AS A TEST FOR QUALIFYING CANDIDATE, PLEASE TRANSLATE THE ATTACHED FILE AND SEND IT BACK TO ME.
REGARDS
ARIJEET"

from mail address: transactmaster@gmail.com
(free mail ... naturally ...)

and I sent that person the following answer:
The classic scheme of fraud!!!
YOU do not identify yourself, don't give any contact details, do not specify anything regarding the "potential" work, ...
BUT
want to have translation work done for free.

I am sure you do not mind, when I warn my fellow translators.
Thomas Blasejewicz

And that is precisely what I am doing here.
Unless that person provides some credible identification, PLEASE be careful!
The chances of an attempt at fraud are 180%

Response from friendly Mr. Arijeet:
Hello Thomas,

I am sure, you do not receive any job from your clients. If you speak to a client so rude in first time conversations, how can one think of getting a job done by you. And stop using defamatory languages towards your clients. And samples are needed to examine the quality of the translation by the translator and not for your cheap and f..king comments.

If you had any guts there in your a.s , then you should had done a passage from the sample file rather than translating the whole file. Then also I might have examined your quality.

Also try to speak to your clients softly for the first time rather than accusing them rudely.

Your well wisher
Arijeet

to which I took the liberty of answering (since I had the time today ...):
Thank you for your wise words.
Aparently you still are not inclined to identify yourself.
A net search I made just for the fun of it, shows no such company as "transactmaster"  (derived from your email address).
And you send me your stuff from a free mail address. How trustworthy!

Since you are not a client of mine and I am not an employee of yours ... there is nothing to worry.
You may rest assured that my correspondence with PROPER BUSINESS entities is polite and professional.
And so is the correspondence from such PROPER BUSINESS entities.

Samples? Since you found my name and other contact information somewhere (you sent your mail to my website account!), you DO HAVE access to over 20 pages worth of "samples" I made publicly available right there.
Having a look was too troublesome?

I am sure, you will find better qualified personnel that does not complain without any trouble at all.

Thomas Blasejewicz

Translation - publishing

After a real printed book (in Japanese) of mine was published in February (2013) I am not about to publish my third ebook. The first was my autobiography, also written FIRST in Japanese, which I later rewrote, not translated, in German.
Now I am about to publish my third ebook, this one in English, listing a few personal views about why I think the Japanese acupuncture is better suited for the world population than the Chinese "authentic" style. Hopefully, it will go online in about 2 weeks.
It will surely make me a lot of enemies. If I should disappear suddenly in the middle of the night ... try asking the NSA and their hit squads, the newly formed Japanese copy of that wonderful agency, the Japanese NSC, or maybe the Chinese mafia, scared to death of people expressing opinions not meeting the standardized party line ...

After writing these four books, I definitely feel, that formulating one's own ideas is more interesting than converting somebody elses ideas into another language.

Although none of my books has really sold, the ebooks do not sell at all, I am planning to work on three more. My next target is the translation of a book by a Zen priest who I met shortly after my arrival in Japan. An encounter that changed my life.

Term Assist

A littel earlier today I received an advertisement from Proz.com for "Term Assist", something that is supposed to "make your translation easier and faster by helping finding terms".

No offense, but after trying it out A LITTLE, I find it at best "useless".
I set my language combination to Japanese-English.
Select a term.
-> NOT the term selected is displayed, but the different characters taken apart and translation for the individual characters given.
That is NOT what I am looking for.
The given translation are "strange" too.

Apparent "Term Assist" is a Chinese product.

Obviously another example of the "Chinese quality" I have referred to several times before. The kind of "quality" nobody in his or her right mind would spend any money on.

I have seen similar things with "StarDict" - a dictionary software for Linux.
Even considering it being "free" (most of its contents seems to be pirated anyway), that thing too is for me as a translator useless.
I have other software (als FREE!) that works a hundred times better!

Select your sex?

Another revolution in the field of biology?
No, just the result of using a cheap translator.

Yesteday I got a call from a translation agency about an "urgent cross-checking job". The original translation was a questionnaire (to be conducted in Germany) from Japanese into German. (for those of you who read German, the above phrase was: "Bitte wählen Sie Ihr Geschlecht.")
Naturally it should have been "indicate your sex".

And there were literally millions of similar strange expressions.

I told the agency: this cannot have been done by a German translator. When I asked them, what kind of person did this translation (I suspected a Chinese of Indian (cheap) translator), I was told, this was done by a Japanese, who considers himself good at German and teaches German at a university!
Well done indeed.

Academic!
"Bitte wählen Sie Ihr Geschlecht." Does neither contain any misspelled words nor is the grammar wrong. The only thing that is wrong is the meaning! But that is probably something an academic is not capable of detecting. In particular since a "direct" translation of the Japanese would result in precisely the above sentence.

Well, the translation agency that assigened the job to that particular person has lost a lot of money (and possibly also a client).
The client (likely a camera maker) on the other hand, that presented said questionnaire to the general audience in Germany and got apparently lots of claims, because ordinary people could not understand the text of it, may have suffered a severe blow to its image. The damage done may have been very costly and may require some time to "heal".

Maybe ... MAYBE ... both client and translation agency do learn little lesson: DO NOT hire cheap translators for important work.
If you pay specialists peanuts for their work, you may expect to get some foul smelling s**t ... if you pardon my French.

http://nopeanuts.wordpress.com/

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• Toxic Translation: A Twelve-Step Program for Self-Injuring Translators
• Tips For Finding An Excellent Translation Service

Submit your quote ...

Many of the jobs offered on Proz.com and other translator sites require, that you "submit your quote".
BUT ...
then you get "offers" like the following one.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Job type: Potential Job
Service required: Translation
Languages: Japanese to German
Job description:
    Medizinbericht (means "medical report")

Contact method: Please submit your quote via ProZ.com by clicking the "submit quote" button below.
Company: Fachuebersetzungsdienst GmbH
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yet, there is no information about
-    specialty (orthopedics etc.)
-    volume
-    due date
-    any other special requirements.

Is it only me? How am I supposed to "quote" on something I have absolutely no information about?
Would these people barge into a car dealers office and yell: "I want to buy a car. Give me your quote" without specifying the kind of car, maker, model, options etc.? I doubt it.

This company is a very big company with offices almost all over the world. I would like to think, that this is proof of them being "professionals".
Do professionals ask this kind (quote for a car ...) question?
I thought professionals know better .....

Me and you - thats different.

Today a "job offer" was posted on multiple sites:

"This is the first project on a long list of documents to be translated.
It has two parts, 18,000 words in each.
We will accept a flat rate of no more than 400 USD for each part, no more than 800 USD for the entire project.
(-> 400 / 18000 = 0.022 USD/word ; this is my calculation)

Requirements:
1. Must be a native German speaker with excellent writing skills
2. Must be near-native fluent in English and have experience translating philosophical, spiritual, and religious documents.

Please contact me only if you're serious about the job ... Payment will be made through paypal immediately upon delivery.

(From the poster's (Qiangwei Wang) profile:)
Preferred currency: USD
Min. rate        per word    per hour       
Chinese > English    0.12 USD    45.00 USD
English > Chinese    0.10 USD    40.00 USD
German > Chinese    0.15 USD    50.00 USD
German > English    0.15 USD    50.00 USD"

So this person works for 0.12-0.15 USD/word. Understandable.
How come everybody else has to work for 18.5%-14.6% of the payment this person considers appropriate for himself?
Apparently the poster assumes, that other translators work purely for fun (translation of philosophical material is definitely not easy) and don't have to pay the rent or buy food.
This is not "An American in Paris" but rather
"A Chinese in America".

Related articles

• China - "cheap is best" ...

Unbelievable! - Again

English: Graph showing Euro and Japanese yen exchange rate from January, 1999. 日本語: 1999年1月からのユーロと日本円の為替レートのグラフ。 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Again! One of the the MANY unbelievable job offers via Proz.com.

"Languages: Japanese to English
i need Japanese to English translation of 3250 Japanese Characters,
i need this urgent , within 10 hours.
Budget and payment details:
    Hide / show
    $10.00 USD to $10.00 USD total
    ($0.00 USD to $0.00 USD estimated per char)
    Further payment details: 10 $ for 3250 characters
    Estimation in your preferred currency (using today's conversion rate):
    797.885 JPY to 797.885 JPY total
    info Preferred expertise: Law/Patents"

3250 Japanese characters to be translated into English is according to the commonly applied rules here in Japan about 9 pages. Subject matter seems to patent related. In that case is the text everything but easy.
And the offered TOTAL payment is 10 USD.
That is 1.1 USD per page of patent translation from Japanese to English.

Everybody who wants to do it AND can make a living on that rate, please raise your hands.

This is definitely not the first time that sort of offer has been published on Proz.com. See also:
http://transcurio.blogspot.jp/2012/02/unbelievable.html

China - "cheap is best" ...

English: Rolex Oyster Perpetual Sea-Dweller DEEPSEA (Ref. 116660) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The other day I received a mail from a Chinese company for which I did a few short proofreading jobs in the past. A portion of the mail said:

"Do you have time to help me proofreading the job?
Our client is not satisfied with the translator's quality, and unfortunately, the translator is not responding on the feedback since last night, we are facing to lose this client now."

Well, there is really not much to say.
First of all the original client is at fault, because they were looking for translations that are above everything else CHEAP. And China provides that kind of service.
And the translation agency is at fault, because they were using a translator (I got the impression from the text they sent me, that this person is first of all NOT a native German), who agrees to provide CHEAP (= this is usually called "reasonably priced", "best rate", or something like that) work.

Is it then any wonder, when the client (apparently requiring some official documents for the export of cars) complains, that the quality of the translation is not the "Ferrari" or "Rolex" quality they have been expecting?

I really do not understand these people.
If you buy cheap products, you get cheap quality.
It is part of the deal.
And it applies to ALL fields of business.
(you cannot buy a real Rolex watch for 59 USD ...)

Related articles

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Translator as "Bookfinder"

English: Štefan Konzul, croatian translator. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Translator as "Bookfinder"
(This article has been published in Japanese in the March 2003 issue of "e-Trans" and posted as a "contribution" at "www.gotranslators.com")

           Not to far in the past there was time, when the military used scouts, sometimes also called "pathfinders" (Merriam Webster: path.find.er n (1840): one that discovers a way; esp: one that explores untraversed regions to mark out a new route -- path.find.ing n or adj.), to find their way through unknown country. Literally, these were people that could find a path not visible to anybody else. During a recent conference on translation, a certain question appeared in several different sessions: what actually is the job and/or function of a translator?

           The answer to this question appears on first sight very simple and obvious, but many of the attending translators and agencies presented widely varying definitions and concepts. This motivated me to write this little article and express an idea, I did have for quite a while now, but that so far failed to find any resonance. I.e., translators should also (or maybe predominantly) be "bookfinders" in analogy to the above mentioned pathfinders. Below I will try to explain why.

                                                                                                             

           I have been a translator for about 18 years and during this time spent nearly 100% of my time with activities, involving rendition of a certain meaning in one language into another. At times, in particular when the source text is of rather poor quality and/or ambiguous, this also involves a more less significant portion of re-writing or copy writing. Nevertheless, the basic idea is always the same: change A into B. In my memory very few, if any, people I happened to work with have ever questioned or even challenged this view. This is simply the job and function of a translator.

           Yet, if you are a translator in any specialized field, show a professional interest in extending your horizons, or conduct a little research in your own or other fields of expertise, then you will certainly do some reading.

           This puts the translator in a unique position. He or she is not only capable of professionally handle and evaluate two or more languages, but will be reading reference books on certain topics in these languages. Sometimes there are equivalents or even translations of certain valuable references, but most often not. Under these circumstances the translator is put in a position where he or she can evaluate several books that might be worth translating from both a linguistic and a technical point of view.

           I believe that a look at the currently available selection of translated books shows clearly, that the choices are certainly not always professional. They are made by publishers based on information and recommendations of not always certain origin. This provides the general population with a selection of translated books influenced by a possibly one-sided and - naturally - profit orientated choice made by the publishers. But this could also mean, that the average man has access only to a distorted view of the world.

           Today, the internet provides the so-called information highway, which offers users so much information with an incredibly short turnover time that nobody can ever handle. Yet, fast access to a terrifying amount of information could also block the view for the more distinct, practical, comprehensive and interesting information a book can provide. After all, reading should also be fun.

           Often access to the information highway is highly appreciated, but who would like to live in a house with the front door opening right onto the highway? I would prefer a little distance from it and like the quiet small back roads. This is, where books come in. It takes much longer to publish a book than to publish and then update a web site. Naturally this means, that books are always somewhat "behind their time", but that does not reduce their value.

           For example, I am a native German living in Japan. I know of literally "uncountable" translations of German literature, science etc. available in Japanese bookstores. Yet, conversely, whenever I visit Germany and look through large bookstores, I can find at best a handful translations of Japanese books. A very illustrative little episode happened, when I visited the annual Tokyo International Book Fair a few years ago. There I asked a German publisher if they might be interested in the publication of translated Japanese books. The representative at that booth said: "No, why? Publisher XXX already has published two books." Of course, this is hardly any kind of representation of a nation that publishes several tens of thousands of new books every year!

           Thus, in spite of the information highway and Japan being an economic superpower with a major impact on the entire world, it still remains largely uncharted territory (a sort of a black hole), because there is so little real information about it available.

 

           Now, here is a field, in which the translator can offer a real contribution to international understanding: by selecting and recommending books worth of translation. The translator who recommends certain books might even do the entire translation. In many cases this would be not only be good for the translator, but also the translation itself and the final reader.

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"Speed translation"

This came in the other day on 23:30 Japan time. The company is located in New York and I would have to check the time difference:

"I have a potentially crazy question to ask you...would you be able to turn around 2 Japanese patent applications, one of 4597 words and the other of 2255 words, by 7:45AM tomorrow?  More feasibly, would you be able to turn around at least the larger patent application by 7:45AM tomorrow?"

My first response:
Good morning (3 am!) from Japan
Thank you for your job offer, but ...
with all due respect - the requested due date is very unrealistic!

Having a short look showed approximately 23 + 12 pages of translation.
Together that would be 35 pages of PATENT SPECIFICATION, which is a lot more difficult than ordinary text.
In a few hours???
Maybe even asking for a discount rate?

I am not capable of working that fast (being busy with other work anyway).
I would like to meet the person who actually CAN do that.
Even if somebody says s/he CAN produce that much patent translation in such a short time ... I would not trust that person/translation.
Please ask ANYBODY working in ANY patent office about the feasibility, and more importantly the trustworthiness of the produced translation.

Sorry, but I cannot help you, even if I wanted to.
And my professional pride demands that I DO NOT accept work, when I cannot take responsibility for the results.

When the other party agreed, I added a little metaphor:
No problem and no harm done.
It is simply amazing how little the people who are asking for this kind of work actually KNOW about what is involved in translation -- or else CARE about it.

To put it in a little (distorted, sorry) perspective:
Let's say someone asks a construction firm to something like the Empire State Building - in two weeks with a budget of 8.75 USD.
I can see the exhilarated president of the construction company ...
And naturally everybody would agree that this absolutely normal ....

*************************
One of my grandfather's favorite sayings was“Use the right tool for the job”
―common-sense advice that applies to a wide range of situations.
Unfortunately, as Mark Twain observed, common sense isn't very common!